he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
