carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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