If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
