There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
