If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
