I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
