Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Someone shit on the floor
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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