I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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