but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
