Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
