i wish my penis had a tongue
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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