I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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