I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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