About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
