Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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