Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
