Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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