Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
