my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
