that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
