I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
