Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
