You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Randomize
