someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
