Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
