69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
