what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
