I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
