Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
