Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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