If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
