We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Randomize
