He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize