Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
