he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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