a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You made out with two different species that night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
