what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
