I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
