I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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