It was confusing and full of hummus
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
