I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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