if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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