Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
