mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
