Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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