so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Even my vagina gasped.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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