I got chris browned last night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
