There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
