Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
