I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
