shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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