"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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